I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
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