Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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