im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
