i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
