a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize