Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
