i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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