Buhtt sex?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
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