dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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