She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
