Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
