If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
he shaved USA in his pubs
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
