She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
