And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
"it" just moved
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
