All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
