Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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