Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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