he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
