you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
