Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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