So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
