"it" just moved
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
Randomize
