wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
