god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
