I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
