Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Randomize
