I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
