well I can't set my house on fire every night
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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