I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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