Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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