lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
He literally asked permission to hit on me
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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