I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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