Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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