just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
porn star boner night. come get it.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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