as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
