Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
