My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
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