I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
