he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
