Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
