So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
