We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
