That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
