Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
