I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
