My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
tell me about the eggs
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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