I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
