We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
