What did we do last night that was yellow?
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
