i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
