Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
