The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
