ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
