Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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