I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
