Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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