Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
