i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
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