BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
