shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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