We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
