highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
