All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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