If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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