i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
