I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
It's no shave November. This is our time.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
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