His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
