i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
