i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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