I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
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