Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
