I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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