I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
