his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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