i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
