So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
