I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
