i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Randomize