I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
