that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
